Kiss Jail Goodbye
by Marilee Robin Burton

Bad Boy Bail Bonds: Because Your Mama Wants You Home; Fair Bail Bonds: Don’t Wait For Jail, Call Fair Bail; Straight Up Bail Bonds: We Get to You Before Your Cell Mate Does; People’s Bail Bonds: You Ring, We Spring; Lipstick Bail Bonds: Kiss Jail Goodbye . . .

People don’t want to live in Van Nuys. But it has its advantages. Interest-free plans, zero down, low rates, open 24/7, fast approval, quick release, confidential, we come to you.

Van Nuys is home to a bountiful supply and selection of bail bondsmen (or, bondswomen, as in the case of Lipstick, replete with her fuchsia fleet of vehicles adorned, all, with candy-apple red smooch icons). (And you can purchase Lipstick Bail Bonds gear online, if you’d like — hoodies, tank tops, shirt and beanie outfits, lipstick shaped pens, or pink fur handcuffs, even.)

Fortunately, when I was arrested and sent to jail at 18, charged (erroneously) with felony burglary, my father bailed me out. But, he’s dead now, and my boyfriend has no ready extra stash cash. So, since you never know, it’s always good to scout out the resources available to you nearby in the neighborhood where you live.

Valley Bail Bonds: Bail Now, Pay Later; Mugshot Bail Bonds: It Happens to the Best of Us; Family Bail Bonds: I hope you never need me, I’m here when you do; England Bail Bonds: If We Can’t Get You Out, You’re not Getting Out; Smokin’ Ace Bail Bonds: We’re Your Ace in the Hole.

All this, and more, within two miles of my home. Easy walking distance. A stone’s throw away. Van Nuys has its advantages.

SOURCE: “Kiss Jail Goodbye was previously published in FRE&D.

PHOTOGRAPH: “Bail Bonds” (Van Nuys, California) by Marilee Robin Burton.


ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Marilee Robin Burton is a children’s book author-artist and freelance educational writer. Some of her children’s books include Tail Toes Eyes Ears Nose (also an ipad app), and Artists at Work. Her professional articles have appeared in Creative Classroom Magazine. Her adult literary work, a new genre for her, has appeared or is forthcoming in Crack the Spine, Green Hills Literary Lantern, Writers Tribe Review, Free State Review, Knee-Jerk Magazine, Rubbertop Review, and FRE&D. She lives in Van Nuys, California, with her partner and their two Rhodesian ridgebacks.