Message of a name
by Bethany Rivers
Nightmare shaken
I spring from bed
stretch out to the shelf
for the one book you left
me with
your palm-sized
red-leather dictionary
of 1954
clumsy fingers flicking
through
tracing-paper
pages
the dictionary still
full of words
I can’t speak
or understand
flick flick flicking through
till I come
to the right page
the page that still holds
the ink and the breath of you
twenty-seven years of missing you
has not
erased the blue capitals
your right hand moved in
translating thought into movement
into solid evidence
still there
still here
the name you had written
AUTHOR’S PHOTO CAPTION: My dad’s dictionary.
NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR: The dictionary mentioned is one that once belonged to my dad. It’s pretty much the only thing I have left of his. He died when I was very young. I had a nightmare where the words of the dictionary disappeared. In the spot e he had written his name, the letters had faded to a smudge. I was so shaken by this, I immediately had to go to the book itself and check that the words and his writing was still there.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Bethany Rivers’ debut pamphlet, Off the wall, was issued by Indigo Dreams Publishing, in July 2016. She has been widely published, with work included in Envoi, Cinnamon Press, Sarasvati, Three Drops from a Cauldron, Clear Poetry, Obsessed with Pipework. The Ofi Press, The Lampeter Review, Bare Fiction, Blithe Spirit, and many others. Bethany mentors writers through writing novels and memoir. She has taught creative writing for 10 years and runs poetry healing and inspiration days. Visit her website at www.writingyourvoice.org.uk.
There is something magical about a father’s handwriting. I have little scraps and notes that he had written to me long ago, but I find so much peace from simply looking at them. I am glad that it was just a bad dream …