The letter I never wrote
by Renee Bartovics

Dear some one, May 12, 1955
I hope some one finds this letter.
If you did — can you help me pleese?
It is afuly lonly and I guess
I’m scared and always sad even when
I preten I’m not.
I think there is some one
under my bed. I did reech down one time
and there was a hand I was tuching.
It was night and no one was there
but the servents in their rooms.
I do not know where Mommy and Daddy
were but at night they drink and fight any way.
They act like we are not here at all.
But I am.

I am ten years old. I am a girl.
I love cats and my dolls and singing
and playing ping-pong after dinner
with Mommy befor she has to go inside
to brush her teeth.
I really like out side.
the woods, the feeld, the apple trees.
Inside is not that great.
School is hard and lonly,
I got kept back cuse the work is to hard
and the kids in my class look at me funny.
I like the long bus ride home cuse
we sing and lauf and it feels like I
have frends but then its over and I
have to walk up the long drive way
and my brother and sister teese me.
They run a head of me.
But I get to be with the cats.

Do all Mommies and Daddies sleep in the day
and drink all kinds of fancy drinks and beer
befor dinner when we finly get to see them
and then dinner is quite exept for when Daddy yells
about Mommys drinking, drunk again Sophie, he says.
I have to sit by Mommy and some times she falls a sleep
at the table and Daddy gets mad again. We go places
some times and that is fun, like the beech and the races
but there are always the drinks and
I don’t like that part.

One time when I went to a frends house over night
I was awake and I could fly around the room!
It was really, really fun! I really did fly!
But I did not tell any one.
I want to do it again.
Reelly soon.
I want to go some place where there are no
drinks and drunk people, but cats and my own dog
and lots of out side and music and singing
and a ping-pong table and people and kids
to play ping-pong with who do not go away.

If you find this note, can you help me pleese?
Come to my house and find me,
I do not like this kind of family.
It makes me sad and lonly and I cry a lot.
Come to the kichen door after I get home from school. (not the big white door.)

Here is my adress.
4001 Montchanin Road, Wilmington Delaware or you could
come down Twadell Mill Road to the very end.
Its the big stone house on the hill
with a big feeld and stone walls on both sides of the drive way.
There are cats out side on the drive way so go slow.
They are my frends and I love them.

I have to go to the dentist now,
Come soon.
Renee Sharpless
( I am called Nee Nee here. there is a line above the secon e in my name (it is a french name) but the tipe writer cant type it.)

PHOTOGRAPH: The author as a young girl.

NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR: I wrote this poem five years ago as part of a series of poems and short memoir pieces. The intent was to give voice to some of the circumstances of my childhood for healing. I find it a very helpful process — and am now working on a novel of autobiographical fiction. This poem was written with misspellings to reflect my poor spelling as a child.


ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Renee Bartovics really loves to write and make things like art and really loves cats and dogs and all animals and being outdoors in nature and her grandchildren. She is 70 years old but still acts like a child, a lot! She got a whole lot better at school things with college and graduat school and worked helping people and familes feel better. The things she writes help her feel better too. She still gets lonely sometimes and wishes she could act more like a grown up but is really really glad she does not act like her mommy and daddy. She would really really like to make a book of her poems and even maybe write a long story, kind of her story and some of it made up.