Archives for posts with tag: Andy Borowitz

ImageDear F:

…Let me begin by saying that “The Great Gatsby” is not the worst novel I have ever read. It is also not the best novel I have ever read. It is, however, the first novel I have ever read. And there are, like, many, many things in the book I found confusing. Like W.T.F. was that green light? Is that supposed to give him superpowers, like the Green Lantern? Also, I really did not get this part at the end: “So we beat on, boats against the current.” So, like, everybody turns into boats? Like Transformers? If so, that was the first interesting thing that happened in the entire book, and it was in the last sentence.

For these reasons, F., I am afraid “The Great Gatsby” does not meet our needs at the present time. What would meet our needs at the present time would be a young-adult trilogy with movie potential. Right before she left for Cote d’Azur, Charlotte said to me, “Pandora, find me the next ‘Twilight’ or ‘Hunger Games.’ ” Charlotte has never forgiven herself for passing on both “Twilight” and “Hunger Games” while paying two million dollars for a book of poetry by Todd Palin. LMAO.

Now I’ve got to get back to that slush pile. The next manuscript I have to read is called “Moby-Dick.” Fingers crossed, but based on that title, I think it could be the next “Fifty Shades of Grey”!

XOXO, 
Andy Borowitz

Note: This rejection letter to F. Scott Fitzgerald appeared on the New Yorker website in an article dated October 4, 2012. Find the article at this linkAndy Borowitz wrote the piece for the Author’s Guild Centennial Benefit, June 4, 2012.

Painting: Maralyn Wilson, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

ImageDear F:

Thank you for submitting “The Great Gatsby” to our editorial director, Charlotte Pelker. Charlotte is in the South of France and will be checking e-mails, but only to see if she’s been fired. Our associate editorial director, Bob Tarp, left the company last week to head the new literary department at Groupon. So allow me to introduce myself. My name is Andy Borowitz. I am a rising sophomore at SUNY New Paltz and am the company’s unpaid summer intern. In that capacity I am in charge of the slush pile. Which brings me to you, F! LOL.

Let me begin by saying that “The Great Gatsby” is not the worst novel I have ever read. It is also not the best novel I have ever read. It is, however, the first novel I have ever read. And there are, like, many, many things in the book I found confusing. Like W.T.F. was that green light? Is that supposed to give him superpowers, like the Green Lantern? Also, I really did not get this part at the end: “So we beat on, boats against the current.” So, like, everybody turns into boats? Like Transformers? If so, that was the first interesting thing that happened in the entire book, and it was in the last sentence.

For these reasons, F., I am afraid “The Great Gatsby” does not meet our needs at the present time. What would meet our needs at the present time would be a young-adult trilogy with movie potential. Right before she left for Cote d’Azur, Charlotte said to me, “Pandora, find me the next ‘Twilight’ or ‘Hunger Games.’ ” Charlotte has never forgiven herself for passing on both “Twilight” and “Hunger Games” while paying two million dollars for a book of poetry by Todd Palin. LMAO.

Now I’ve got to get back to that slush pile. The next manuscript I have to read is called “Moby-Dick.” Fingers crossed, but based on that title, I think it could be the next “Fifty Shades of Grey”!

XOXO, 
Andy Borowitz

Note: This rejection letter to F. Scott Fitzgerald appeared on the New Yorker website in an article dated October 4, 2012. Find the article at this link. Andy Borowitz wrote the piece for the Author’s Guild Centennial Benefit, June 4, 2012.

Painting: Maralyn Wilson, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.