
My Shoes Have Scarred the Walk I’ve Taken
after John Ashbery
by Jonathan Yungkans
—steps I take again, feeling a stone column’s weight
my one full day alone in England. I went to Coventry
to take in the apocalypse of the place—the cathedral
blitzed into ruin and the new building built alongside,
all brick and long rectangles of stained glass. Only now,
40 years later, can I appreciate the quiet there, as water
taking so long to percolate into a baked soil not unlike
the old building’s floor, a fire-polished mirror. A spire
pointed a Gothic finger to where the Luftwaffe brought
hell, in a war long burnt away. Another struggle roiled
inside me, the lack of words to express it like the town’s
water mains, bomb shattered, as flames spun a vacuum
that sucked away thought and oxygen. An askew cross,
charred beams, graced a heat-bleached altar. Behind it,
the words Father Forgive. I had no idea how to ask it
for myself. And I still don’t. How do you ask yourself
to erase how you were born—blaze and ashes framed
by fissured walls, cracked traceries? It doesn’t fall away,
like the statue of Saint Michael standing over the devil,
spear in hand and wings full spread. It’s another statue,
one of reconciliation, at a corner of the ruin—a man
and woman on their knees, hugging one another tight,
holding for all it’s worth—for all the steps and scars—
PHOTO: The spires and arches of the ruins of St. Michael’s Cathedral in Coventry, United Kingdom by Nicola Pulham, used by permission.

NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR: I visited Coventry Cathedral during a month-long trip as an undergraduate. I had been intrigued by the wartime history of the place—it was leveled during the Battle of Britain—along with new sanctuary built alongside it and the site’s rebirth as a symbol of hope and reconciliation. There was a lot going on inside myself, as well. Shy and awkward, I felt isolated from most of the group. I was also going through a number of emotional ups and downs, the reason for which I learned only many years later. Writing this poem, I weighed carefully the question, “Did the physical landmark in some way represent a landmark in your life?” In retrospect, I really think it was. At the time, it was something more sensed than realized. It took walking back through the place mentally, placing myself inside its space, to put words to its import for me. ¶ The John Ashbery line that titles this piece (from the poem “Token Resistance” in his collection And the Stars Were Shining) also helped me focus this piece more narrowly. As for the statues mentioned, “St. Michael’s Victory over the Devil” by Jacob Epstein is on the wall of the porch that connects the old and new cathedral structures. “Reconciliation” by Josefina de Vasconsellos was originally titled “Reunion” and was presented to the University of Bradford. Bronze copies were cast to commemorate the fiftieth anniversary of the end of World War II. One copy sits in the old cathedral ruins. Another is in the Hiroshima Peace Park in Japan.
PHOTO: “Reconciliation,” sculpture by Josefina de Vasconcellos (1977); photo by Martinvl, used by permission.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Jonathan Yungkans is a Los Angeles-based writer and photographer with an MFA from California State University, Long Beach. His work has appeared in Panoply, Synkroniciti, West Texas Literary Review, and other publications. His second poetry chapbook, Beneath a Glazed Shimmer, won the 2019 Clockwise Chapbook Prize and is slated for release by Tebor Bach Publishing in 2020.