Archives for posts with tag: satire

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Caption: If you bring joy and enthusiasm to everything you do, people will think you’re crazy.

CREDIT: New Yorker cartoon by William Haefeli, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

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Credit: Roz Chast, THE NEW YORKER, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

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Story Poem by Jason Kerzinski

Mr. Porres, Mr. Porres, Mor. Porres. Is it okay to call you “Mister”? Or would you prefer Mr. Saint Porres? Have I offended the man who brought mouse, cat, bird, and dog together? That must have been a chore. How did you manage it? Did you tempt those creatures with lasagna? It must have been lasagna. Italian food can unite any group of folks. Lasagna and breadsticks. How stupid of me to leave out the breadsticks. Mouthwatering breadsticks with garlic butter. Did you serve wine? Again, I’m not thinking. Wine, lasagna, and breadsticks can unite a toad and a fox. Have you taken on that task, Mr. Porres? Pack your bags immediately and head for Grimes, Iowa. They have a large population of toads and foxes. I will rent a car for you this afternoon. I will rent you a Ford Taurus so you will remain inconspicuous. Good luck, Mr. Saint Martin de Porres, and Godspeed.

Note: “Godspeed” by Jason Kerzinski was originally published in the New Orleans Review, Volume 33, Number 2.

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The Guardian has reported that online sensation Cecilia Gimenez — who rose to prominence through her botched art restoration of a 19th Century fresco — is suffering from stress and anxiety.

According to the British publication, “Cecilia Giménez, the well-intentioned amateur restorer from the Spanish city of Borja, is reportedly in bed after an anxiety attack, with neighbours and relatives suggesting she feels overwhelmed because of the media frenzy over the unintentional damage she caused to the mural.”

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We wish Cecilia a speedy recovery and hope she is up and about very soon. For those unfamiliar with her work included at left is a before and after version of Andy Warhol‘s portrait of Marilyn Monroe.

Get well, Cecilia!

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St. Cecilia (pictured at right) was martyred in the 2nd Century A.D. and spent her final moments singing — the reason she’s the patron saint of music. We have to take a moment and say that her namesake Cecilia Gimenez (about whom we’ve written several satiric posts) has given Silver Birch Press a reason to sing — and is a saint in our book.

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Since we started running the posts a few days ago, traffic to our blog has quadrupled. People are posting links on Facebook and Twitter, while others are finding the articles through search engines.

Cecilia Gimenez is to the Silver Birch Press blog what Hugh Grant was to the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Who would have thunk? A big shout out to Cecilia Gimenez in Borja, Spain. Gracias, Senora!

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Before her art restoration at the Sanctuary of Mercy Church was rudely interrupted by local officials in Borja, Spain, Cecilia Gimenez, 81, intended to repair the neglected 19th century fresco to work off some her Purgatory time. Let’s face it, at Cecilia’s advanced age, she thinks about such things — thinks about them a lot!

Now, Cecilia has found a new way to apply her artistic talents — and do good works that will shave away some time in the fiery furnace. (Note for Non-Catholics: Purgatory is like hell — only temporary.) She has volunteered at a Spanish tattoo parlor (see below), where she has agreed to tattoo images of winged beings onto the assorted and sundry body parts of the unholy unwashed.

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Cecilia thought this penance would be akin to the Lord washing the apostles’ feet, but so far it hasn’t worked out that way. To date, she has not felt a sublime union with the divine — but has only experienced an endless barrage of ridiculous requests for unnameable creatures and obscene sayings.

When she offered to draw winged creatures on the tattoo parlor patrons, she thought she would be inking in angels, cherubs, and even an archangel or two. Instead, she’s faced with persnickety customers who expect her to recreate intricate drawings of Pegasus and every last flying demon from the Inferno.

Cecilia has decided to keep the gig until she figures out another way to do penance through good works.

Photo: 9gag.com